Coaching Yourself: Using Reflection Instead of Rumination
It's 11 p.m. You're lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, replaying the fourth quarter for the hundredth time.
Why didn't I call that timeout earlier? I should've seen that defensive breakdown. What was I thinking with that substitution?
You're not watching film. You're not taking notes. You're just spinning.
Welcome to rumination. And if you're a basketball coach, you know it well.
Here's the problem: rumination feels like you're doing something productive. It feels like you're holding yourself accountable, analyzing the game, trying to get better.
But you're not. You're just beating yourself up on a loop.
There's a better way. It's called reflection. And learning the difference between the two might be the most important coaching skill you develop.
Reflection Asks Questions. Rumination Makes Statements.
Let's make this simple.
Rumination sounds like:
"I'm terrible at in-game adjustments."
"I always freeze under pressure."
"That was a stupid decision."
"I let my team down."
Reflection sounds like:
"What made me hesitate on that timeout?"
"What pattern am I noticing in high-pressure situations?"
"What would I do differently next time?"
"What can I learn from this?"
See the difference?
Rumination is a dead-end. It's vague, emotional, and personal. It attacks you, not the situation.
Reflection is a path forward. It's specific, curious, and focused on the decision, not your worth as a coach.
One keeps you stuck. The other helps you grow.
Rumination Is a Highlight Reel of Your Worst Moments
Here's what rumination does: it takes one mistake and convinces you it's your entire identity.
You called a timeout late? Rumination says you're a bad coach.
A player looked frustrated? Rumination says you've lost the locker room.
You didn't see a defensive adjustment fast enough? Rumination says you'll never be good at this.
It replays the same mistake from every angle, adding commentary that gets harsher each time. And it doesn't stop. You could be driving home, cooking dinner, or trying to sleep, rumination doesn't care. It just keeps going.
The worst part? It feels like you're solving something. But you're not. You're just reliving it.
Reflection Is Specific. Rumination Is Everything.
Here's a test: if your self-talk is vague and sweeping, you're ruminating.
Rumination says:
"I'm bad at coaching."
Reflection says:
"I struggled to adjust our defense when they started running pick-and-roll in the third quarter."
Rumination says:
"I can't handle pressure."
Reflection says:
"I tend to overthink my timeouts in close games. I need to trust my instincts faster."
Reflection zooms in. It looks at the specific moment, the specific decision, the specific situation. It asks, What happened? Why did I make that choice? What would I do differently?
Rumination zooms out to your entire coaching existence and says, You suck at all of it.
One is useful. The other is just noise.
How to Actually Reflect (Without Spiraling)
Reflection is a skill. And like any skill, it takes practice. Here's how to do it without slipping into rumination:
1. Set a Timer
Give yourself 10-15 minutes. That's it. Write down what worked, what didn't, and one thing you want to focus on for the next game or practice. When the timer goes off, close the notebook.
This stops the endless loop. You've reflected. Now you're done.
2. Stick to the Facts
Write what actually happened, not what you think it means about you.
Not this: "I'm a disaster in close games."
This: "I called a timeout with 1:30 left instead of 2:00. Next time I'll call it earlier."
Facts give you something to work with. Judgments just make you feel bad.
3. Ask Better Questions
Your brain loves questions. Give it good ones.
What went well today?
What's one thing I'd adjust?
What did I learn about my team?
What's one thing I want to try next practice?
Notice none of those questions are: What's wrong with me?
4. Watch Film Like You'd Watch Your Team
When you review game footage, pretend you're watching another coach. What would you tell them?
You'd probably say, "Good timeout there. You could've rotated defensively a bit earlier, but overall solid adjustment."
You wouldn't say, "Wow, you're terrible and should quit."
Give yourself the same grace you'd give someone else.
5. Write Down Your Wins
This one's crucial. Coaches are great at cataloging mistakes and terrible at acknowledging what they did well.
After every game, write down one thing you did right. A good substitution. A timeout that worked. A message that landed with your team.
You need evidence that you're not just screwing up. Because you're not.
6. Talk It Out
Sometimes reflection works better out loud. Call a mentor. Talk to another coach. Say the thing you're stuck on and let them help you sort through it.
Other people can see your situation more clearly than you can. They'll point out things you're missing, usually that you're being way too hard on yourself.
The Post-Game Ritual That Stops the Spiral
Here's a simple routine you can use after every game:
Step 1: Give yourself the drive home to feel however you feel. Mad, frustrated, proud, relieved, whatever. Let it be there.
Step 2: When you get home, grab a notebook. Set a timer for 10 minutes.
Step 3: Answer these three questions:
What's one thing that worked today?
What's one thing I'd adjust?
What's one thing I want to focus on next?
Step 4: Close the notebook. You're done thinking about it tonight.
That's it. You've reflected. You've learned something. Now you rest.
Rumination Steals Your Energy. Reflection Gives You Direction.
Rumination drains you. It keeps you up at night, makes you second-guess everything, and turns one mistake into proof that you're failing.
Reflection energizes you. It gives you clarity, direction, and something to work on. It respects the fact that coaching is hard and that you're trying your best.
One makes you a worse coach. The other makes you better.
You Can't Coach Your Team If You're Destroying Yourself
Here's the thing coaches forget: the way you talk to yourself matters. Not just for your mental health, but for your team.
If you're constantly ruminating, you show up distracted, anxious, and harsh with yourself and your players. You coach tight. You overcoach. You lose trust in your instincts.
But when you reflect in a healthy way? You show up clear, composed, and confident. You make better decisions. You connect with your players more. You trust yourself.
Your team needs you at your best. And that starts with how you coach yourself.
